My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
