I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
