They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
