very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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