Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
