I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
