Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
