we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
