I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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