Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
