Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize