That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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