I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
