she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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