you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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