ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
