I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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