turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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