We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
