I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
