I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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