Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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