i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
