i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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