drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
