She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize