Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
