I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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