we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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