well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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