yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
