He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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