Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
