she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
