Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize