Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
