I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
