I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
