3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
