Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
