..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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