if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
