Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
