I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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