help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
