you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
