Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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