Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
