before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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