a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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