He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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