Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
