have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
