shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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