Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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