dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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