Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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