The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
