Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize