let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
