The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
