Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
