I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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