my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
