I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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