why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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