There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
