I want to stick my p in your. b.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
