If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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