So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
