i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize