dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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