I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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