I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
